And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
