i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
