let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
please come you make the beer taste better
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
