Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize