SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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