You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
