I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
