i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I checked into jail on foursquare
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
