he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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