btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
