i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
