Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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