The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
