so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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