Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
