If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
