I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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