Where is the hickey?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize