Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
