At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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