right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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