Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
