wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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