you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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