i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
