Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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