Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
