Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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