If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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