like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize