im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
