She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
