you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
