break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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