I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
