I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
