Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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