a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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