don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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