and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
