I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
