wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
