Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
