the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
