I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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