wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do herpes really smell.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
