Where is the hickey?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
