I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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