Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
