Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
