my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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