I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
