I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he thought i was a dude.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize