I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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