Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
