my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
a search helicopter?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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