How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
