Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
