You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
