She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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