meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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