wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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