I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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