I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
