Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
