trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
