Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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